A Matter of the Heart

Last week, our State Senate passed a bill that would legalize same-sex marriage in Washington State. According to the Huffington Post:

"Even though a referendum clause amendment was rejected, opponents have already promised to file a challenge, which can't be done until after it is passed by the full Legislature and signed into law by [Gov.] Gregoire. Opponents then must turn in 120,577 signatures by June 6.

If opponents aren't able to collect enough signatures, gay and lesbian couples would be able to be wed starting in June. Otherwise, they would have to wait until the results of a November election."

As some of you know, for about 7 years our family has attended an Open and Affirming church. That means we accept gay families into our church community with the same love, respect and fellowship as anyone else who wishes to come worship God and follow the teachings of Jesus. To some of you, that may be shocking. To me, it has been an important step in my faith journey and has opened doors to the friendship and trust of some truly amazing Christians. My husband and I have been witness to the breathtaking power of God's love over human injustice and adversity. The knowledge that each one of our gay friends has personally endured persecution from our society makes my heart ache - not with pity, but with the ache that comes from seeing people you love get hurt.

I felt the need to write this post because I care deeply about my friends. I know that my faith experience and perspective regarding homosexuality is different from that of people who grow up in or attend more conservative churches. I'm certainly not an expert on the matter, but it is from this perspective that I want to share what I have learned so far about homosexuality...

Homosexuality is not about choice. It is about being honest with one's self, and realizing that this honesty may cost you the love and esteem of your peers, friends and even your family. In many cases that honesty involves alienation and rejection from your faith community and what feels like abandonment by God. Almost all of the gay people I know grew up in conservative Protestant or Catholic churches - some eventually find their way to churches like ours. Many leave the church behind - they haven't merely been shut out, but also severely wounded. I cannot blame them for giving up on Christianity when many Christians are openly hostile toward the gay community.

Some may argue with me on this, but homosexuality isn't about sex. It is about the longing for meaningful relationships. It is about navigating an unfamiliar and often treacherous path in a quest for validation, love, trust, and lifelong companionship. Isn't that what most of us are looking for in this life? Some of my gay friends have found the blessing of such companionship. Several have been living in monogamous, committed relationships for many years. A few gay couples at our church have young children and are considered outstanding parents by all who know them. And that's the point right there - we took the time to get to know them, and now we care about the issues that they care about. Right now, our friends care about their marriages being legally recognized.

So, what can I ask of my Christian brothers and sisters? I cannot make you change what you believe, nor push you into changing your mind about what marriage means to you. What I challenge you to do is open yourself to wider compassion - think about Jesus, and how he hung out with the most persecuted people of his time. He LOVED on them and did not judge them. Love without judgement, love with compassion, and love without fear.

I also have a heartfelt request. If you cannot vote in favor of same-sex marriage, then please leave it blank. Words are powerful. People use them to label and categorize, to separate, and to discriminate. "Domestic partnership" does not evoke the same response, thoughts and feelings that "marriage" does. "Marriage" is what our society calls the institution of family; it is the word people use when they speak of devoting all their love and commitment to another person. Your church might not give its blessing to a same-sex marriage, but ours would with joy and celebration. At the very least, the word "Marriage" should be used to describe a legal union between same-sex partners just as it describes a legal union between heterosexual partners. I personally believe that the right to be called a legal family should never be put up for public vote, but in all likelihood it will come to that. And so, I hope with my whole heart that you will either support the legalization of same-sex marriage or leave it in the hands of God.

*This post is dedicated to my dear friends Callie and Kate, Marci and Jasper, Charisa and Carol, Dianna and Cindy, Shannon and Boston, Keith, Kate and Jamey, and Tyler... Big hugs and love to you all.