My Sad, Sad, Sweater Story

Before Christmas, my friend Monika and I went shopping together for gifts. We picked Sears because they have a large selection of well-made though inexpensive clothing and an assortment of other things like electronics, tools, and home decor. I found a patterned sweater with muted burgundies and greens that I thought would suit my dad nicely, and began to peruse for something that might look good on Phil.
Now before I dive into the story of what I found, I should first let you know that every movie I have ever really loved has been set in the Middle-Ages. (Think "Robin Hood: Prince of Thieves", "Ever After", "Shakespeare in Love", "Lord of the Rings", etc.) Yes, my fantasies involve knights in shining armor... or at least aspiring ones...
So, when I saw this wool aran cabled tunic sweater that looked straight out of a storybook about a farm boy or blacksmith that sweeps a princess off her feet... I knew I had to see it on Phil. Monika, who has similar taste in men and movies, came over to see what I was drooling over and said, "Oh, I am soooo getting that for Kevin." So, after a short debate on whether or not it would be too wierd to buy our husbands matching sweaters, she decided to buy one in off-white for Kevin and I got the grey one with a sort of chain-mail-like texture for Phil.
I could barely wait for Christmas Day when I could finally see him try the sweater on, so when he did and it fit perfectly I was elated. Then later, while I was busy helping to prepare Christmas dinner... he walked right up to me, took me by the hand, brushed it against his lips, and whispered "Mi'lady" in my ear. I totally went weak in the knees. I know this is strange because I'm talking about someone fully clothed for cold weather, but that sweater made him look incredibly sexy.
Now the sad part. That was the last time I saw him in it. You see I'm in charge of the laundry around here... and when something says "Hand Wash", I think to my mother-of-two self, "Who really has time for that?! I'll just put on the gentle cycle and no one will know the difference." I should have known better... I'm a knitter... I work with wool all the time... I know it shrinks... But for some reason, I thought putting it through a cold wash with a bunch of other clothes wouldn't do much damage. WRONG. It shrunk about 1/3 it's size.
At first, I thought "Hmmm, it looks a little bit smaller... Maybe I should block it while I let it 'Dry Flat'." Phil's a skinny guy and I was hopeful it would still be okay and he wouldn't really notice. But when I packed it for our weekend trip to B'ham at New Years, I noticed he only wore it for a few minutes before taking it off and tossing into the back of the car. There it stayed until I could summon the courage to ask, "Honey, remember that really awesome sweater that I bought for you? Why haven't you worn it lately?" I know. I was in complete denial. He looked at me with loving sympathy and said, "I'm sorry Dear, but the sleeves are up to my elbows. It's too small."
I was devastated. Ok, maybe not devastated... but terribly disappointed. Yesterday, we had an errand to run at Sears. We needed a new water filter for our fridge, and we wanted to find a cheap dvd player for our family room (they have them for $32 now ...) so I took the sweater - that was still on the floor of our mini-van - into the store to see if I could exchange it for the same one a size larger. To my great dismay, they only had two of them left... a small one in black, and one x-large in off-white. It was on clearance for half price, so I asked Phil if we could buy the off-white one but keep the grey one to see if I could stretch it out some more. Somehow the other colors weren't quite doing it for me. He doubted he would ever be able to wear the dreamy sweater in it's ruined state and pointed out that we would now be paying 1 1/2 times as much for a sweater I only sort-of liked. That's my practical man. So, I exchanged it. (Thank goodness they were willing to take it - without a receipt even!) And now we have a not-so-sexy, but good looking sweater that's the same color as my best friend's husband's sweater, and is really too bulky but we all know for a fact it will shrink when washed.
Sigh. I guess I'm going to have to knit him one afterall.